JUST LAUGH (Not the real thing)

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane.

They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walkedup to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, "Yeah.." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The rescue crew were shocked.

One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you..you know...eat their...ah, err, 'things'?"

The chief said, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuer.

"No," replied the Chief. "Things go better with Coke."

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ROMANTIC SHAYARY (KABHI PATJHAD MEIN BAHAR)

KABHI PATJHAD MEIN BAHAR AATI HAI
KABHI BAHAR MEIN BHI PHOOL NAHI KHILTE
KISI KI LAASH PAR BANTA HAI TAJMAHAL
KISI KI LAASH KO KAFAN TAK NAHI MILTE

..............................................

Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,
Tere sath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga
Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,
Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga..

..............................................

Dooriyo se fark padta nahi hai.
Baat to dilo ki nazdikiyo se hoti hai.
Dosti to kuch khas aap jaise se hi hai,
Varna mulaqat na jaane kitno se hoti hai.

..............................................

Aapko bhool jau umar guzarne ki baat hai,
Aap ko naa ho yakin yeh aur baat hai,
Jab tak rahegi saas tab tak rahonge yaad,
Yeh saas tut jaaye to aur baat hai…

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JOKE (ME and MY BOSS )

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

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Shayary (Is Dil Main Tarane)

Arz hai..

Is dil me tarane bahot hai
Zindagi zine ke bahane bahot hai
Kis kis ko sms karoo
Kambakht is nachiz ke diwane bahut hai....

.................................

Bandar ki Beti Apne Bap se Boli Papa Papa Mujhe Shadi Karni Hai.

Beta thoda intazar karo kyonki.

Dulha Abhi SMS Read Kar Raha hai.

.................................

Laloo bada chalak hai
Nau baccho ka bap hai
Laloo bada nirala he
Dasva ane wala he..
Ye andar ki baat hai
Isme Vajpayee ka hat hai..

.................................

Dimag Jiska
...ICE
Jivan Uska
...NICE

Dil Jiska
...PURE
Safalta Mile
...SURE

Nazar Jiski
...CLEAR

Wo Bane Sabka
...DEAR eg.Mai hun na! :-)

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JOKE (Top Ten Reasons Why Eve Was Created)

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone.

And the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

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JOKE (Why Wedding Dress is always WHITE)

Son asked his mother:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

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JOKE (Future Fireman)

A guy meets a childhood pal.

"What are you doing for yourself these days?"

"I'm a fireman."

"Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman."

"Well, if you want some good advice, you've got to install in your house a pole that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, 'cause the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night."

Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.

"Well, did your son become a fireman?"

"No, but I have two daughters who are "dancers."

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JOKE (The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies)

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'

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JOKE (20 YEAR)

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.

"Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."

"We'll try," he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

"We'll do our best," he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.

Ten years passed. Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"

"Yes."

"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"

"Yes."

"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress."

"Yes?"

"It has a 20-year guarantee..."

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Romantic Shayari (Barish ke paani ko)

Barish ke paani ko apne haathon mein samet lo.
Jitna aap samet paaye utna aap humein chahte hai
Aur jitna na samet paye utna hum aap ko chahte hai.
..................................................

Har nazar ko ek nazar ki talash Hai,
Har dil mein chupa ek ehsaas hai,

Aap se pyaar yuhi nahi kiya humney,
Kya kare hamari pasand hi kuch khaas hai.
..................................................

Har pal ne kaha ek pal se,
Pal bhar ke liye aap mere samne aa jao,
Pal bhar ka saath kuch aisa ho,
Ki har pal tum hi yaad aao....
.................................................

Aapko Lagta Hai Ke Humne Aapko Bhula Rakha Hai
Aap Nahi Jaante Dil Mein Kahi Chupa Rakha Hai

Dekh Na Le In Aankhon Me Aapko Koi
Isliye Palko Ko Bhi zhuka Rakha Hai
..................................................

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JOKE (Phone Call)

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.

"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"


"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight."


The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.


"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."


"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"

"No, this is 232-1374."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

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